Let’s get one thing out of the way: nobody wants another recycled Cosmo tip about whipped cream and feathers. I swear, if I see one more article suggest that I should surprise my partner with edible body paint, I’ll spontaneously combust into a glittery puff of sarcasm and misplaced expectations.
We don’t want surface-level nonsense. We want truth. Raw, awkward, sweaty, hilarious, toe-curling, messy truth.
I’m not here to speak for every single woman on earth, but I’ve had enough wine-fueled group chats and tearful after-sex brunches to say this with confidence: most of us are out here craving a lot more than what ends up on Pinterest boards or in badly lit hotel room quickies.
Time to open the vault.
How Connection Changes Everything
Look, I’ve had my fair share of one-night stands, boyfriend sex, emotionally unavailable athlete flings, and everything in between. Wanna know what stayed with me? It wasn’t the size of anything or how long the guy lasted. It was how I felt before he ever touched me.
If you don’t turn my mind on, you can’t turn my body on. Period.
Ask me how my day went. Actually, look at me when I talk. Make me feel like you want me—not because I’m naked—but because I’m me. The moment I feel emotionally safe, I’m unzipping myself in more ways than one. That’s not fluff talk. That’s chemistry.
Silence Kills the Mood Faster Than Bad Breath
Why are so many men so quiet during sex? Are you meditating? Are you solving calculus in your head? Because I’m here needing feedback like, “Yes, I like that,” or “Do that again,” or at least a sexy grunt that lets me know I’m not auditioning for a solo performance.
We don’t need a Shakespearean monologue mid-thrust. But come on, say something.
And if you’re one of those silent types, please—moan, gasp, curse—anything but dead air. My anxiety fills in that silence with “He’s bored,” or worse, “He’s thinking about laundry.”
Make Curiosity Your Wingman
I’ll be real with you. I used to feel weird about walking into a sex shop. I’d put on my big sunglasses like I was a B-list celebrity sneaking into a pharmacy for foot fungus cream.
Then I found out you can explore your fantasies in peace at home. No judgment. No creepy guy breathing behind you near the lube shelf.
I stumbled across Shop At Seduction on a Tuesday night while trying to figure out if I was broken for not loving every single orgasm I had. Spoiler alert—I wasn’t broken. I was just bored.
Their whole vibe is about exploring what turns you on without shame. That site isn’t just toys. It’s permission. Permission to get weird, wild, and whatever the hell you want.
Here’s what I learned:
- Most women don’t climax from penetration alone.
- Toys aren’t a sign of failure. They’re a team sport.
- Feeling curious means you’re still in tune with your body.
- Buying a toy online is less awkward than faking moans.
Use it. Don’t overthink it. Experiment. Then talk about it afterward like grown-ups who just aced recess.
Confidence Is Sexy—But Ego Is a Buzzkill
Let me be blunt. Confidence is hot. Like, pants-off-without-a-word hot.
But ego? Ego is the guy who shows up with a playlist he made for the “experience,” starts unbuttoning his shirt like a budget Magic Mike, and then expects a standing ovation before anything even happens.
Confidence doesn’t flex. It doesn’t overcompensate. It doesn’t ignore the other person in the room.
Here’s what real confidence looks like:
- Asking, not assuming.
- Holding eye contact without making it weird.
- Not rushing.
- Laughing when something goes awkward instead of panicking.
- Saying, “Do you like that?” and meaning it.
Confidence knows it’s not perfect and doesn’t need to be. That’s what turns me on.
Try arrogance, and I’m dry as toast.
The Most Common Mistakes Men Make (And How to Stop Doing Them)
I don’t blame you. A lot of guys didn’t get a real education about sex. They learned from porn, other clueless guys, or experiences where no one told them the truth.
But I will. So here it comes.
Mistake #1: Going straight for the goods
Guess what? I’m not a vending machine. You don’t press E3 and get instant results.
Warm me up. Show some intention.
Mistake #2: No clue where the clitoris is
It’s not a myth. It exists. It’s not a puzzle or a Rubik’s cube. Google is free.
If you’re guessing, I can feel it. Literally and emotionally.
Mistake #3: Taking things personally
Not every “Can you go slower?” means you’re bad. It means we want it better. Help us help you.
Mistake #4: Performing instead of connecting
Sex isn’t a show. It’s not about how many positions you can tick off. It’s about how it feels. If I feel like you’re auditioning for a role in Fast & Furious: Bedroom Drift, I’m emotionally checking out.
Mistake #5: Not listening when I say what I want
I told one guy I liked gentle touch. He nodded, then treated me like a door he was trying to knock down.
Don’t do that.
How to Ask Her What She Likes (Without Making It Weird)
I know you get nervous asking. You’re afraid we’ll think you’re inexperienced or insecure.
You know what’s actually insecure? Never asking and assuming you know everything.
It’s sexy when a man says, “Tell me what you want.” It’s even sexier when he listens and follows through.
Try phrases like:
- “What do you want more of?”
- “Show me what you like.”
- “Tell me what feels best right now.”
- “Do you want me to slow down or keep going?”
Not complicated. Not awkward. Just grown-up.
And please, once we say it, don’t argue. Don’t say, “Are you sure?” or “No one ever complained before.” Because now I’m wondering why they didn’t. And I probably know the answer.
Why Toys Don’t Threaten You (Unless You’re Scared of Our Pleasure)
Let me tell you a short story.
One time I brought out a vibrator. The guy looked at it like it was a snake about to bite his ego. He sulked. He pouted. He said, “Am I not enough?”
Sir. You are not an 18-speed bullet that can hum at 9,000 vibrations per minute. Let’s not compare apples to supercharged oranges.
Toys aren’t competition. They’re partners in crime. They fill in gaps, not replace the main act. In fact, most women report stronger orgasms when toys are included.
Here’s what happens when you stop fearing toys:
- She sees you’re confident and open.
- You both have more fun.
- She trusts you more.
- She probably wants more sex with you.
So bring the toy box. Not your pride.
Faking It ─ Why We Do It (And Why We’d Rather Not)
Yes. We’ve faked it.
Don’t look shocked. You knew. Deep down, you knew.
We fake because:
- We feel rushed.
- We don’t want to hurt your ego.
- We want it to be over.
- We’re afraid you’ll get upset.
And guess what? We hate doing it. It makes us resent the entire experience. Not because we hate you—but because we can’t tell the truth without walking on eggshells.
The solution? Make it a safe place to be honest. Ask how it felt. Ask what we need next time. Laugh when it gets awkward. Don’t sulk when we speak up.
Then we’ll stop pretending. And you’ll finally know what real satisfaction looks like.
One Last Thing (Because I’m Generous Like That)
If you made it this far, congratulations. You’re already ahead of most men. You care. That’s sexy as hell.
Now go explore. Go try. Go mess up and laugh and get better. Go to shop and find something that makes both of you curious. Let your girl scroll and say, “Ooh…That one.” Let her pick. Let her lead.
Then watch her eyes change when she realizes she’s allowed to want more.
That’s not about toys. That’s about freedom. The kind where she doesn’t have to shrink or fake it or perform.
So what do women really want in bed?
To be with someone who sees past the act.
Someone who listens like he’s tuning into the best song he’s ever heard.
Someone who doesn’t flinch when she says, “Harder,” or “Softer,” or “Move.” Or even “Stop.”
We want to feel safe. Then we want to feel electric.
We want curiosity. Then consistency.
We want someone who isn’t afraid of the parts of us that want more than sweet kisses and polite moans.
So be that guy.
Get brave. Get awkward. Get real.
And please—make us come more than once.
